funky quiz
Q1) Last thing you burned while attempting to cook? um...
Q2) What is one good trait you have? I love to be there for friends and do whatever it takes to at least just get them to smile
Q3) How long does it take to get ready for your day? im up at 645 and out the door by 735 am
Q4) Where do you live?South Bend
Q5) How many people have you thought were "the one"? there were times i thought maybe...but i didnt know what i was talking about...but i will say 1
Q6) What is something that turns you off from the opposite sex? stalker like qualities, when they wont leave you alone
Q7) Who is the funniest person you know? oh wow...my little sister or aaron or laura, but all of us are funny at times
Q8) What's in your CD player right now? mix a little bit of every genre i enjoy listening to
Q9) What do you like about the neighborhood you live in? dollar general is only 1 minute away
Q10) What are you hoping for? nels to make it through boot camp and august to get here quickly
Q11) What kind of toothpaste do you use?i have no idea i buy whatever sounds good probably crest something or other
Q12) What time do you usually go to bed? when it calls me
Q13) Last movie you saw? in a theater walk the line (wow that was almost 3 months ago) at home...im not sure nels and i watched a ton of movies while house sitting
Q14) Last TV show you watched? The King of Queens
Q15) Tackiest thing you have in your house? no idea
Q16) What movie do you find funny that most others don't? um lets see...i dont know lol, i guess i havent watched one in awhile lol.
Q17) Who do you have a crush on? my boyfriend =)
Q18) What time is it right now?2:26, i am finishing up my lunch...yeah i tried to take it from 1230-130 but i got interrupted...this is why yo uleave the office for lunch
Q19) Are you planning a vacation/travel?yes a few...san diego/oregon/cedar point in august, a few weekend trips to pensacola to see nels in the fall, and something fun for new years just not quite sure where
Q20) When/Where was the last time you traveled? hhmm...id have to say last monday to the wonderful midway airport
Q21) What hair color do you like in the opposite sex? im not picky, but im not looking either
22) How old will you be in 10 years? 31...wow ill be over the hill well sorta lol
Q23) Where do you see yourself in 10 years? married, 2 kids, nice house, volunteering at my church on a more regular basis, and just living the good life in Christ
Q24) Sinful snacking weakness? vanilla wafers
Q25) Roller Coasters? heck yes
Q26) Ever run out of gas? nope, ive had a few close calls though
Q27) Ever been on a train? yes they are so awesome, unless u are taking the metra the day of a cubs game...way too crowded
Q28) Ever been on a blind date? yes, a few, i got good stories lol
Q29) Ever been to Europe? yup Germany...its awesome i plan to go back sometime
Q30) Do you have a ritual before bed? journaling to nels, praying and reading a verse from the bible
Q31) Projects you would like to start/finish? o good grief...i guess try to figure out what to do with all my clothes
Q32) Ever been arrested? nope
Q33) Have a crush on anyone you work with? nope
Q34) What is something you believe in? God, myself, Nels, family, friends
Q35) What is something you fear? bugs, snakes, emu's
Q36) Big or small? big hugs, small fights, big bowl of ice cream, small plate of dinner (haha yeah i took it and ran with it)
Q37) What is the worst physical pain you have ever experienced? when i hurt my knee playing basketball...o my why did i get up adn try to play more, why?
Q38) What is your favorite television show? i have a few Raymond, King of Queens, Deal or No Deal (thanks bubba)
Q39) Ever photoshopped yourself to look better in a picture? i wouldnt even know how to do that at, and i dont have time to do that, and i am beautiful just they way i am (at least thats what nels says)
Q40) Tell us something about your childhood? i was the tomboy, only girl on the block, haha i ruled the neighborhood, the boys all did what i told them to, it was great lol..
Q41) What would it cost you to flash the person next to you? so so so so so much money i think shed laugh but be offended all at once...and then id have to leave work for good id never be able to show my face again
Q42) Best time to catch you in a good mood? right after i talk or think about nels, right after church, right after i serve in the nursery, right after i eat ice cream
Q43) Name one perk you have? i can look up anyone tax info or weird stuff like that in stjoe, elkhart, cass, tippecanoe, or howard county
Q44) Do you play an instrument? clarinet
Q45) What instrument would you like to learn? drums
Q46) Ever been on a horse? i love horses, many many times
Q47) Favorite kind of ice cream? vanilla with hot fudge
Q48) What song are you listening to right now? im waiting for the help(less) desk to call me back so nothing
Q49) If you could sucker punch one person who would it be? oh man wow...wow, good question...oh my, i just cant choose 1...
Q50) Would you like to tell us one of your secrets? um i don tknow what pple do and dont know about me...lets see i now sleep with 5 pillows and 5 blankets on my bed...thats all i got lol
some cute jokes...i needed a pick me upper today~
Elderly Proposal
There were these two elderly people living in a Florida mobile home park. He was a widower and she a widow. They had known one another for a number of years. Now, one evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. These two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered up his courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?" After about six seconds of 'careful consideration,' she answered. "Yes. Yes, I will." The meal ended and with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to their respective places. Next morning, he was troubled. "Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?" He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. No even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her. First, he explained to her that he didn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage, he then inquired of her, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?" He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I meant it with all my heart." Then she continued, "And I am so glad that you called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me."
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A highway patrolman pulled up alongside a speeding car on the freeway. As the officer peered through the driver's window, he was astounded to find that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting. The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver, "Pull over!" at the top of his lungs. "No!" the blonde yelled back, "Scarf!"
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Elderly Man Sued for Stopping at Stop SignSeptember 9, 2002 - Atlanta, USAIn a case possibly first of its kind, 67 year old Arthur Thompson is being sued by 32 year old Lynn Manaouski for stopping at a 4-way stop sign. In her statement she described how she came up to the intersection leading into her downtown condo, and rear ended the driver in front of her due to his 'complete and full stop'. She continues to say that of the almost 2 years of living in that particular condominium complex, she had not once been behind someone who had made a full stop at the stop sign, and that his inability to be 'consistent with typical driving patterns' caused the accident. As a result, she is convinced that Mr. Thompson is directly responsible for the accident and should be held accountable for all incurred costs of repair to both vehicles. When reminded that it is the law to make a complete stop at a stop sign, her abrupt response was "I am quite capable of deciding when it is a good or bad time to stop my vehicle."
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Man Sues Coffee Shop for Ice Mocha MishapAugust 26, 2002 - Michigan, USAAfter spilling an iced coffee beverage onto his lap while driving from a local coffee shop drive-through a Michigan man is now suing the shop for $800,000 in damages and mental anguish. The man claimed it was a "traumatic experience" that has negatively altered his life in many ways. He claims that he was unaware of the frigid temperature of his Ice Mocha or he would have taken better precautions with handling the beverage. The coffee shop owner said during our interview, "Anyone who doesn't know the temperature of a drink that has the word 'ice' in its name has much more important things to worry about than a moment of discomfort due to his own negligence. He sustained no physical harm, there were no damages to his vehicle or possessions except a brown stain on his pants, which I am sure is something he is used to."
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Brought to you exclusively by the corrupt, sick, twisted Lots of Jokes News Room. Updated regularly to bring you the news that matters!
Man Gives Up On WomenApril 10, 2003 - Atlanta, USAAtlanta native auto mechanic Michael Ross publicly declares that he has given up the life long struggle to figure out what women really want. This came after a recently published report estimating American corporations had spent over $1 billion dollars in 2001 to determine what want women want from their products and marketing, and had largely failed. "If combining rooms full of highly skilled experts and truckloads of money can't figure these women out, how on earth is the typical blue collar man with $28,000 after tax dollars a year supposed to?" said Mr. Ross during an interview with Atlanta news reporters. "It may be that these women themselves have no idea what they are looking for or what will win them over. Many admit to having the exact same qualities in one man be endearing, while in another, off-putting." Mr. Ross's web site has generated over 32,000 letters of support from other men in its guest book since his announcement earlier in the day.
Owner of Perfect House Lives in CarSeptember 18, 2002 - Baltimore, USAIn fear of possibly disturbing the perfection that is his house, Donald Manison has been forced to live in his 1998 Dodge Caravan. “I became obsessive, everything in the house was so photo-perfect that I was eventually scared of walking on the carpet in fear that I might disturb the direction of the carpet threads.” Magazines wanting a glimpse and photos of the perfect house were limited to viewing through opened ground floor windows. When asked how long he will continue his present lifestyle he replied, “If living in my mini-van is payment for a perfect house, I’m willing to pay.”
Elderly Man Sued for Stopping at Stop SignSeptember 9, 2002 - Atlanta, USAIn a case possibly first of its kind, 67 year old Arthur Thompson is being sued by 32 year old Lynn Manaouski for stopping at a 4-way stop sign. In her statement she described how she came up to the intersection leading into her downtown condo, and rear ended the driver in front of her due to his 'complete and full stop'. She continues to say that of the almost 2 years of living in that particular condominium complex, she had not once been behind someone who had made a full stop at the stop sign, and that his inability to be 'consistent with typical driving patterns' caused the accident. As a result, she is convinced that Mr. Thompson is directly responsible for the accident and should be held accountable for all incurred costs of repair to both vehicles. When reminded that it is the law to make a complete stop at a stop sign, her abrupt response was "I am quite capable of deciding when it is a good or bad time to stop my vehicle."
Worlds Cheapest TipSeptember 1, 2002 - Arkansas, USAAn Arkansas primary school teacher has been declared the worlds cheapest tipper after ordering more than $250 worth of food and drinks for his wife and self and leaving a 5 rupee tip. Rupee, an Indian currency, is worth approximately 0.02 of an American dollar. When questioned the man replied, "I had just returned from a trip to India and I had mistaken the coins for more valuable American currency." Relaying this to the offended waitress she responded, "His excuse is weak, since when would you be cracking out foreign coins (that do not even resemble American money) as a tip for a $250 dollar dinner? There is no way with a bill like that you would use coins to tip at the customary 10%-15%, and even tipping at something like 3% would still need bills. His tip wasn't even a percent!"
Man Sues Coffee Shop for Ice Mocha MishapAugust 26, 2002 - Michigan, USAAfter spilling an iced coffee beverage onto his lap while driving from a local coffee shop drive-through a Michigan man is now suing the shop for $800,000 in damages and mental anguish. The man claimed it was a "traumatic experience" that has negatively altered his life in many ways. He claims that he was unaware of the frigid temperature of his Ice Mocha or he would have taken better precautions with handling the beverage. The coffee shop owner said during our interview, "Anyone who doesn't know the temperature of a drink that has the word 'ice' in its name has much more important things to worry about than a moment of discomfort due to his own negligence. He sustained no physical harm, there were no damages to his vehicle or possessions except a brown stain on his pants, which I am sure is something he is used to."
Man Arrested for Sexually Assaulting Female ManikinAugust 19, 2002 - Georgia, USAA man resembling a giant kid was arrested Thursday for sexually assaulting a manikin at a women’s fashion outlet store. Store clerks describe how the man made several trips past the manikin, and then went up onto the podium where he commenced to fondle the manikin’s breasts. When questioned about the incident, he said "I couldn't help it, she had the nicest set of tits I’ve seen in a long time."
Impolite Movie Goer Beaten To DeathAugust 12, 2002 - Michigan, USAMovie enthusiast Brad Densley was admitted to the emergency room of a local Michigan hospital Thursday evening, and was later pronounced dead. This was after being brutally beaten in a movie theatre for answering his mobile phone during a pivotal moment in the movie's plot. Right away the whimsical monotone song the cell phone rang to immediately started people hissing and moving around in their seats. "As soon as I heard Jingle Bells from across the theatre in mid August, I wanted to hurt someone." said one audience member with a notable look of anger and hatred in his face. But when Mr. Densley then answered the phone, began talking pleasantries in an almost normal voice and proceeded to relay a shopping list to his wife, the audience went absolutely nuts. "It was when he started with the shopping list and he got down to the third item which was, I dunno, milk or something. I really wanted to stick that phone up his ass. Everyone started plowing over rows of seats to get to the guy and ring his neck, including myself." commented one person involved in the beating. "From the moment I saw him in the front lobby I knew he was an arrogant loser from his ill coordinated NY Yankees hat and LA Lakers t-shirt." Stated one man who was able to get a few kidney shots into Mr. Densley before leaving the theatre in disgust on Thursday. When interviewing the wife of Mr. Densley she stated, "This sort of thing has happened before and each time I was beyond embarrassed. But I never thought it would escalate from minor fist fights and kicking matches to the point where he looses his life. I am disappointed that the theatre staff looked the other way and did nothing to prevent my husband's death, with one usher in fact joining in on the beatings." Six men and two women were later charged and sentenced to appear in court, eleven others were issued warnings.
Airlines Take Cost Cutting to New LowsAugust 5, 2002 - Mississippi, USAIn an effort to cut costs, major airlines are resorting to cutting back even the smallest of items to curb expenditures. One in particular is the removal of barf bags on flights commencing August. "Annual savings are expected to exceed $450,200US", stated investor relations manager Carol Bauer, "The small percentage who actually use them are increasing ticket prices for the rest." But outraged motion sickness prone travelers had a less enthusiastic view of the matter. "I guess I will just have to hurl onto the meal tray. Frankly, based on my last flight, I don't think the Sautéed Pork and vegetable melody will look much different if I did." said one angry traveler. When the airlines were asked what they expected passengers to do in the event of motion sickness they replied, "Users of our planes who are prone to such sensitivities should bring with them preventative medicines and appropriate containers, we are not operating a flying hospital."
Man Never Misses Trip To Gym For 5 YearsJuly 29, 2002 - Florida, USAIn an attempt to force himself into a healthy routine of exercise, a Florida man hired a hit man to kill him if he failed to show up to any of his 3 weekly workouts for the past 5 years. "At first I thought the ridiculous membership fees and that ludicrous up front joining fee would make me workout so I wouldn't waste the money - but that didn't work. Within weeks I was coming up with all sorts of lame pathetic excuses not to go. So I decided that if money wouldn't promote me to go, losing my life would. The hit man idea has worked like a charm, maybe even too good. There were some times that I truly would have preferred not to go, like that time I had bronchial asthmatic pneumonia. I've never had so much dark green mucus running down my face in my life, you should have seen that treadmill afterwards. But with all its ups and downs, my only complaint lately is that what I originally thought were expensive gym fees have been over shadowed by the high cost of the hit man. Now that I want to stop, I can't because I told him to shoot me if I told him I wanted to give up."
